Snooooooooooop

Here’s something for you to conveniently test the new ispeech plugin with.

Snooooooooooop..

Snooooooooooop..
When the pimp’s in the crib ma
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
When the pigs try to get at ya
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
And if a nigga get a attitude
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
I got the rolly on my arm and I’m pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on
Uh! I’m a nice dude, with some nice dreams
See these ice cubes, see these Ice Creams?
Eligible bachelor, million dollar boat
That’s whiter than what’s spilling down your throat
The Phantom, exterior like fish eggs
The interior like suicide wrist red
I can excercise you, this can be your Phys. Ed
Cheat on your man ma, that’s how you get ahizzead
Killer wit the beat, I know killers in the street
Wit the steel that’ll make you feel like Chinchilla in the heat
So don’t try to run up on my ear talking all that raspy shit
Trying to ask me shit
When my niggaz fill ya vest they ain’t gon pass me shit
You should think about it, take a second
Matter fact, you should take four B
And think before you fuck wit lil skateboard P

When the pimp’s in the crib ma
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
When the pigs try to get at ya
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
And if a nigga get a attitude
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
I got the rolly on my arm and I’m pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on
I’m a gangsta, but y’all knew that
Da Big Bo$$ Dogg, yeah I had to do that
I keep a blue flag hanging out my backside
But only on the left side, yeah that’s the Crip side
Ain’t no other way to play the game the way I play
I cut so much you thought I was a DJ
[scratches] “two!” – “one!” – “yep, three!”
S-N double O-P, D-O double G
I can’t fake it, just break it, and when I take it
See I specialize in making all the girls get naked
So bring your friends, all of y’all come inside
We got a world premiere right here, now get live!
So don’t change the dizzle, turn it up a little
I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles
Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle
G’s to the bizzack, now ladies here we gizzo

When the pimp’s in the crib ma
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
When the pigs try to get at ya
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
And if a nigga get a attitude
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
I got the rolly on my arm and I’m pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on
I’m a Bad Boy, wit a lotta ho’s
Drive my own cars, and wear my own clothes
I hang out tough, I’m a real Bo$$
Big Snoop Dogg, yeah he’s so sharp
On the TV screen and in the magazines
If you play me close, you’re on a red beam
Oh you got a gun so you wanna pop back?
AK47 now nigga, stop that!
Cement shoes, now I’m on the move
Your family’s crying, now you on the news
They can’t find you, and now they miss you
Must I remind you I’m only here to twist you
Pistol whip you, dip you then flip you
Then dance to this motherfucking music we crip to
Subscribe nigga, get yo issue
Baby come close, let me see how you get loose!

When the pimp’s in the crib ma
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
When the pigs try to get at ya
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
And if a nigga get a attitude
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
I got the rolly on my arm and I’m pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on

Snooooooooooop.
Snooooooooooop..

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Confessions of a Teenage Grown-up

Note from Ben: Welcome the latest contributor to St. Timmy Pro, Edward “Sora” Ortega. Is he the most talented of us all? Only time will tell. (But I think the answer’s probably yes.)

Screw permits.

Seriously.

They make those stupid tests to give you a god damn aneurysm. Its like you’re at the computer and its all “blah blah blah” and you’re like “oh, A” and it’s all “WRONG INCORRECT YOU’RE STUPID GTFO MY DMV” and you cant help but cry as you fail the test slowly yet surely. The damn test is designed specifically for the person. See, me, I get more nervous as I get things wrong. And the test was all like “WHATS THIS SIGN MEAN” and I’m like “YIELD” and it’s all “NOPE WRONG NOW YOU’RE GETTING SCARED HUH? HOW ABOUT THIS! IF YOU’RE ON A FOUR WAY INTERSECTION AND THERE’S ONE PERSON IN EACH LEFT HAND LANE AND SUPERMAN IS FLYING OVER THE CITY FIGHTING A METEOR, WHO HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY!!?!?!” AND I’M ALL “OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD”

Superman, of course.

BUT NOPE ITS THAT BLIND GUY THAT THEY DON’T EVEN TELL YOU ABOUT WHO RETRACTS HIS GOD DAMN CANE AND YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT MEAN “OH I’M STUPID AND WANTED YOU TO THINK I’M CROSSING ITS OK THOUGH GO” AND YOU’RE ALL *WAITING FOR HIM TO CROSS* LIKE A JACKASS AND THE TEST IS ALL “HAHA YOU’RE STUPID NOW I’M GONNA BUST OUT SOME CALCULUS ON YOUR WHITE ASS.

I hate permit tests.

Did I mention I got my permit?

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On Black

I do not make racist comments people! I swear! “Spread the ashes of the colors” is quite clearly an Arcade Fire lyric from their song about neighborhoods and snow. You probably know the band The Arcade Fire from their hit song about narcolepsy called “The Where the Wild Things Are Trailer Song”. Or something.

Wake Up – Arcade Fire

Anyway, awhile ago I was uploading some pictuahs (as Alfred Hitchcock would say it) to my flickr, and I was like, “Dang, these would look so much better on a black background”.

And I knew I had seen a service that had done something like that, where you just connect it with your flickr account, it does some magic, and your pictures show up on a black background, giving you a pretty link to pass around.

So I packed my things — all the essentials –  and went on an expedition about the world wide web to attempt to find this service. I found one, but it refused to connect to my flickr account because my username is different than my flickr.com/skjf name (because I was an idiot awhile ago, long story). So that was out. I found another that seemed promising, but it wouldn’t load the second page.

I think I only found two things, and by this point the food I had packed before I set out was beginning to seem a rather small amount. I’d either have to begin hunting and gathering, or I’d need to begin the journey back home.

I did one last search around the area for any other options, but there were none to be found and I went on my way.

When I returned to the haven of my home, I decided hey, how hard could it be to make something like this. It’s just an image over a black background… but I didn’t to handcode a new page each time I wanted my majesties to be beheld, for the same reason I use twitpic and images hack us sometimes rather than use my gazillions of gigabytes of storage here on St. Timmy Pro: because I was lazy.

So, of course, to satisfy my laziness, I set about writing a HIGHLY COMPLEX SCRIPT to do shizz for me.

Viola. The string instrument:

ON BLACK.

You’re welcome, internet.

(oh and, here’s, some, examples of it in action.)

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Keyboards

Dear Universe,

Keyboards are awesome. Keyboards are really freaking awesome.

Have you ever used a computer keyboard before? Because if you haven’t then you really, really should. Because no matter how much you use a keyboard, all it does is get more awesome. The keyboard market operates the same way as the housing market, in that the longer you have a keyboard, the more it’s worth. Yeah, that’s right, keyboards actually appreciate in value. Crazy, huh? I bet you had no idea.

It’s also like the housing market in that people buy them, modify them to be better and then sell them for a profit. It’s called flipping. The thing is, when the housing keyboard market became a catastrophe, everyone stopped buying them, causing the people trying to flip said keyboard to suffer a devastating loss.

There’s a keyboard next door that these people have been trying nonstop for the last, like, three years to sell. They keep coming back again and again and adding to the keyboard, so there’s been, like, nonstop construction. It’s kind of annoying, really. Constant… stuff… and noise, etc etc.

I think now they’re renting it out… one of our neighbors said they were renting it in parts… so the current inhabitants get the bottom half numpad or something, and they’re trying to lease off the rest.

ANYWAY. The point I’m trying to make is that computer keyboards are awesome, and don’t even get me started on music keyboards… because they’re rad too. Or something.

I don’t even know, you guys. I think I’ve gone crazy.

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Inside the Monster’s Dollhouse (The Depravity of Innocence)

So sometimes I write some things. Inside the Monster’s Dollhouse is a place  where you can go and read some of these things.

Go check it out! Original music by Sir Quinn Jarvis Holland and Sir Madame Jordyn Reeser that is awesome and hardcore and that I’m thinking I should turn autoplay off on because that pisses some people off and makes it take forever to load on my computer.

But regardless.

Go check it out! It is unequivocally hardcore!

-Benjamin

BY THE WAY, STP V3! COMING INCREDIBLY SOON!

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