Fundamental Differences Between Babies and Animals
The idea of using human babies for the things humans currently use animals for is not necessarily a bad idea. In fact it is actually a pretty decent idea. While there are some pretty obvious differences between babies and animals when it comes down to it they are not all that fundamentally different. Because of this it is completely feasible to use human babies to replace animals for what humans use them for.
There are two main things that humans use animals for. Their meat and their skin. Human babies lack neither of these and if you have ever touched a baby you know well that their skin is fair soft. As for the meat all you have to do is ask a cannibal what they taste like, and really you do not even have to do that, I mean, they must continue their cannibalism for a reason. There is also the nice little fact that since we would be using human babies instead of animals PETA would have nothing to complain about and go away.
Animals are usually raised to maturity on farms and require care and attention. Babies however are already sometimes grown from test tubes and only have to age a little before they can be used for their resources. The other option is to create farms that just have large numbers of women who are just eternally pregnant. That could even be doubled for use as a milk farm or used to sell the baby products at higher prices due to them being all natural.
Possibly the best reason to use babies instead of animals is that instead of having to protect all the endangered and even the non-endangered animal species out there we can just let them die off or even help the process along. This means no longer having to dedicate valuable resources to protecting these animals or their habitats. This means humans can have the whole planet to themselves. This leaves us free to expand even more as a species and eliminate the risk of overpopulation for a while longer. Of course, the fact that we would also be using babies for food and clothing, among other things, would also help with population control.
Due to babies having all the necessary elements for what humans use animals for, as well as easily and relatively quickly being able to be grown in farms or test tubes, removing the need to maintain other species, and helping limit overpopulation it is perfectly feasible for humans to use their babies for what they currently use animals. In fact it is actually quite logical to do so.
Filed under Miscellaneous | Comment (1)Bible Camp Bloodbath Review
Joey Comeau is the greatest bad role model I’ve ever had. He writes the beautiful web comic A Softer World.
Sometimes Joey Comeau writes novels, too. Great novels. Bible Camp Bloodbath is his latest one.
The book is about this kid, Martin, who decides to go to Bible Camp to stop being a burden to his mother, a special effects artist for horror films, specializing in gore miscellanea. Evisceranea. Bloodpourri. I don’t know, I’m bad at those.
Martin is somewhat excited to be going to bible camp, to meet new people etc etc. But, of course, this turns out to be no normal trip to bible camp. What follows is a particularly poignant coming-of-age story as Martin learns to build relationships, how to macramé, and, along the way, opens his heart up to God and the Bible.
Oh wait, no, wrong book. Scratch that last paragraph. Martin goes to bible camp and all of a sudden lots and lots of people are killed. Easy mistake to make, though.
In each of his novels, Joey Comeau unpretentiously touches upon subjects many authors are hesitant to approach with a ten-foot pole, or anything else particularly long and phallic. Bible Camp Bloodbath is no exception. From murdered children to… well, I mean, why don’t you just read it? Don’t make me do all the work here.
It’s a really fantastic book and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Some other reviewers said that it was too short, but I think it was just about right for what it is. It was certainly a fast read, but delightfully so.
Did I just call it delightful?
Yes, sure, Bible Camp Bloodbath is a very delightful read. It filled with me warm fuzzy feelings as I reached the end. Then I cried a little bit.
You can find the book on Amazon, or on this blog where Mr. Comeau is posting a chapter a day. It’s probably all up by now. Go read it and buy it and love it.
Coming Soon: Awesome Things.
Filed under Arthur Reviews Things, Miscellaneous | Comment (0)Snooooooooooop
Here’s something for you to conveniently test the new ispeech plugin with.
Snooooooooooop..
Snooooooooooop..
When the pimp’s in the crib ma
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
When the pigs try to get at ya
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
And if a nigga get a attitude
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
I got the rolly on my arm and I’m pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on
Uh! I’m a nice dude, with some nice dreams
See these ice cubes, see these Ice Creams?
Eligible bachelor, million dollar boat
That’s whiter than what’s spilling down your throat
The Phantom, exterior like fish eggs
The interior like suicide wrist red
I can excercise you, this can be your Phys. Ed
Cheat on your man ma, that’s how you get ahizzead
Killer wit the beat, I know killers in the street
Wit the steel that’ll make you feel like Chinchilla in the heat
So don’t try to run up on my ear talking all that raspy shit
Trying to ask me shit
When my niggaz fill ya vest they ain’t gon pass me shit
You should think about it, take a second
Matter fact, you should take four B
And think before you fuck wit lil skateboard P
When the pimp’s in the crib ma
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
When the pigs try to get at ya
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
And if a nigga get a attitude
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
I got the rolly on my arm and I’m pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on
I’m a gangsta, but y’all knew that
Da Big Bo$$ Dogg, yeah I had to do that
I keep a blue flag hanging out my backside
But only on the left side, yeah that’s the Crip side
Ain’t no other way to play the game the way I play
I cut so much you thought I was a DJ
[scratches] “two!” – “one!” – “yep, three!”
S-N double O-P, D-O double G
I can’t fake it, just break it, and when I take it
See I specialize in making all the girls get naked
So bring your friends, all of y’all come inside
We got a world premiere right here, now get live!
So don’t change the dizzle, turn it up a little
I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles
Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle
G’s to the bizzack, now ladies here we gizzo
When the pimp’s in the crib ma
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
When the pigs try to get at ya
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
And if a nigga get a attitude
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
I got the rolly on my arm and I’m pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on
I’m a Bad Boy, wit a lotta ho’s
Drive my own cars, and wear my own clothes
I hang out tough, I’m a real Bo$$
Big Snoop Dogg, yeah he’s so sharp
On the TV screen and in the magazines
If you play me close, you’re on a red beam
Oh you got a gun so you wanna pop back?
AK47 now nigga, stop that!
Cement shoes, now I’m on the move
Your family’s crying, now you on the news
They can’t find you, and now they miss you
Must I remind you I’m only here to twist you
Pistol whip you, dip you then flip you
Then dance to this motherfucking music we crip to
Subscribe nigga, get yo issue
Baby come close, let me see how you get loose!
When the pimp’s in the crib ma
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
When the pigs try to get at ya
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
Park it like it’s hot
And if a nigga get a attitude
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
Pop it like it’s hot
I got the rolly on my arm and I’m pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on
Snooooooooooop.
Snooooooooooop..
Confessions of a Teenage Grown-up
Note from Ben: Welcome the latest contributor to St. Timmy Pro, Edward “Sora” Ortega. Is he the most talented of us all? Only time will tell. (But I think the answer’s probably yes.)
Screw permits.
Seriously.
They make those stupid tests to give you a god damn aneurysm. Its like you’re at the computer and its all “blah blah blah” and you’re like “oh, A” and it’s all “WRONG INCORRECT YOU’RE STUPID GTFO MY DMV” and you cant help but cry as you fail the test slowly yet surely. The damn test is designed specifically for the person. See, me, I get more nervous as I get things wrong. And the test was all like “WHATS THIS SIGN MEAN” and I’m like “YIELD” and it’s all “NOPE WRONG NOW YOU’RE GETTING SCARED HUH? HOW ABOUT THIS! IF YOU’RE ON A FOUR WAY INTERSECTION AND THERE’S ONE PERSON IN EACH LEFT HAND LANE AND SUPERMAN IS FLYING OVER THE CITY FIGHTING A METEOR, WHO HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY!!?!?!” AND I’M ALL “OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD”
Superman, of course.
BUT NOPE ITS THAT BLIND GUY THAT THEY DON’T EVEN TELL YOU ABOUT WHO RETRACTS HIS GOD DAMN CANE AND YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT MEAN “OH I’M STUPID AND WANTED YOU TO THINK I’M CROSSING ITS OK THOUGH GO” AND YOU’RE ALL *WAITING FOR HIM TO CROSS* LIKE A JACKASS AND THE TEST IS ALL “HAHA YOU’RE STUPID NOW I’M GONNA BUST OUT SOME CALCULUS ON YOUR WHITE ASS.
I hate permit tests.
Did I mention I got my permit?
Filed under Miscellaneous | Comment (0)On Black
I do not make racist comments people! I swear! “Spread the ashes of the colors” is quite clearly an Arcade Fire lyric from their song about neighborhoods and snow. You probably know the band The Arcade Fire from their hit song about narcolepsy called “The Where the Wild Things Are Trailer Song”. Or something.
Anyway, awhile ago I was uploading some pictuahs (as Alfred Hitchcock would say it) to my flickr, and I was like, “Dang, these would look so much better on a black background”.
And I knew I had seen a service that had done something like that, where you just connect it with your flickr account, it does some magic, and your pictures show up on a black background, giving you a pretty link to pass around.
So I packed my things — all the essentials – and went on an expedition about the world wide web to attempt to find this service. I found one, but it refused to connect to my flickr account because my username is different than my flickr.com/skjf name (because I was an idiot awhile ago, long story). So that was out. I found another that seemed promising, but it wouldn’t load the second page.
I think I only found two things, and by this point the food I had packed before I set out was beginning to seem a rather small amount. I’d either have to begin hunting and gathering, or I’d need to begin the journey back home.
I did one last search around the area for any other options, but there were none to be found and I went on my way.
When I returned to the haven of my home, I decided hey, how hard could it be to make something like this. It’s just an image over a black background… but I didn’t to handcode a new page each time I wanted my majesties to be beheld, for the same reason I use twitpic and images hack us sometimes rather than use my gazillions of gigabytes of storage here on St. Timmy Pro: because I was lazy.
So, of course, to satisfy my laziness, I set about writing a HIGHLY COMPLEX SCRIPT to do shizz for me.
Viola. The string instrument:
ON BLACK.
You’re welcome, internet.
(oh and, here’s, some, examples of it in action.)
Filed under Miscellaneous | Comment (0)