Keyboards
Dear Universe,
Keyboards are awesome. Keyboards are really freaking awesome.
Have you ever used a computer keyboard before? Because if you haven’t then you really, really should. Because no matter how much you use a keyboard, all it does is get more awesome. The keyboard market operates the same way as the housing market, in that the longer you have a keyboard, the more it’s worth. Yeah, that’s right, keyboards actually appreciate in value. Crazy, huh? I bet you had no idea.
It’s also like the housing market in that people buy them, modify them to be better and then sell them for a profit. It’s called flipping. The thing is, when the housing keyboard market became a catastrophe, everyone stopped buying them, causing the people trying to flip said keyboard to suffer a devastating loss.
There’s a keyboard next door that these people have been trying nonstop for the last, like, three years to sell. They keep coming back again and again and adding to the keyboard, so there’s been, like, nonstop construction. It’s kind of annoying, really. Constant… stuff… and noise, etc etc.
I think now they’re renting it out… one of our neighbors said they were renting it in parts… so the current inhabitants get the bottom half numpad or something, and they’re trying to lease off the rest.
ANYWAY. The point I’m trying to make is that computer keyboards are awesome, and don’t even get me started on music keyboards… because they’re rad too. Or something.
I don’t even know, you guys. I think I’ve gone crazy.
Filed under Miscellaneous | Comment (1)Inside the Monster’s Dollhouse (The Depravity of Innocence)
So sometimes I write some things. Inside the Monster’s Dollhouse is a place where you can go and read some of these things.
Go check it out! Original music by Sir Quinn Jarvis Holland and Sir Madame Jordyn Reeser that is awesome and hardcore and that I’m thinking I should turn autoplay off on because that pisses some people off and makes it take forever to load on my computer.
But regardless.
Go check it out! It is unequivocally hardcore!
-Benjamin
BY THE WAY, STP V3! COMING INCREDIBLY SOON!
Filed under General Site Stuff, Miscellaneous | Comment (0)8-bit Therapy
So I was on the internet, because I do that sorta thing sometimes, and I stumbled upon this VST plugin thing that lets you master audio using words and shizznit. That is a terrible way of putting it, but basically you put in words, it does some crazy math, and it makes your music sound weird.
I decided to test it out.
To start I made this simple track using an 8-bit synthesizer emulator shizznugget:
And then I stuck in my words:
(click)
and I got this
Which pretty much captures the way I feel at the moment.
You’re welcome for sharing.
Filed under Miscellaneous, Musical Expenditures | Comment (1)2009 in Ben’s Limited Scope of Listening
Here’s my top 5 albums of 2009. All in my very humble opinion, of course.
Honorable Mention: Cosmic Egg – Wolfmother
Honestly, I thought this album was boring. I tend to listen to the first half and then turn it off because it’s just not very gripping. It even extends into the technical side. The drums aren’t mixed right, or loud enough or something, and his vocals aren’t as powerful as they were in the band’s debut.
Basically, it seems kind of like a Black Sabbath wannabe album, borne from the departure of two of the original three of the Wolfmother line-up. It’s very heavy metal and… well, like I said, boring. New Moon Rising is probably the best track.
I only mention it honorably because it’s Wolfmother, and I still count them as one of my favorite bands.
Honorable Mention: Raditude – Weezer
Okay, so I only just got around to listening to this, somehow, even though it came out last month and even though I love Weezer. I don’t know what I was thinking.
And, um, well, it’s okay, you know.
It’s definitely not their best though, but hey, it’s Weezer. Weezer will always be pretty great.
Am I the only one who got a very self-destructive vibe from this? Like Rivers is just needing some help or something before he destroys himself. I dunno, maybe I was just in a bad mood when I listened to it.
5. Baby Darling Doll Face Honey – Band of Skulls
True story: when I first heard the song “I Know What I Am” on the radio in the car, coming home from the library, I turned to my sister and said, “Hey, this is the Dead Weather!” (number 4 on this list.)
And then, of course, I realized that it wasn’t. When I got home, the first thing I did was look to see who it was, and, apparently, it was Band of Skulls.
This album is very good.
4. Horehound – The Dead Weather
Jack White from everything and the White Stripes and Alison Mosshart from the Kills (and Dean Fertita from Queens of the Stone Age and Jack Lawrence from The Raconteurs) in a supergroup of epicity. And it’s interesting, because you can totally tell when Jack White’s on the drums. It just has this bluesy swing to it that fits his style so well.
3. Them Crooked Vultures
What happens when you put Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters), John Paul Jones (Led Zeppelin), and Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age) all in a band together? No, don’t answer that was hypothetical. And you already know the answer. Stupid.
Them Crooked Vultures is like a combination of Led Zeppelin and Franz Ferdinand that ends up sounding a bit like The Raconteurs. Needless to say, it’s pretty great.
2. Shaka Rock – JET
Shaka Rock is pretty dang good, all classic JET, Beatles-y, great music. I don’t have a lot to say other than, yeah, really good.
1. Humbug – Arctic Monkeys
This is a fantastic album by a fantastic band. The Arctic Monkeys are Midas when it comes to music. I’m pretty sure they’re incapable of producing anything that sounds like crap. They could have an entire track of fart sounds and nails on a chalk board (so a Jonas Brothers cover) and it would come out being better than anything else on the radio.
Humbug is the Arctic Monkeys’ Doors album. The influence is pretty obvious. I mean, first off, all the tracks are about six times slower than average Arctic Monkeys tunes, and very psychidelic sounding. And Alex Turner’s voice takes a turn for the Jim Morrisonish.
Humbug is the Arctic Monkeys’ In Utero.
And that’s all there really is to say on the matter.
–
I was going to include Cage the Elephant, but apparently their album came out last year, so whatever.
Filed under Miscellaneous, Musical Expenditures, Reviews | Comment (1)Friday
So today I was cleaning the space around my computer, because I do that sorta thing every once in awhile (for instance, in this case once every two years), and I found this super old story I wrote when I was 9.
Hello, my name is Joe, Joe Kolophegis. That’s not my real name, but everyone calls me that. I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because that’s what I tell them to call me. Last Monday something magical happened…
…I got magical powers. I have no idea how, but I did. I pointed to this broccoli and in my mind I was wishing that it was a cake and it turned into a big three-layered carrot cake!
On Tuesday I made it so we had world peace that was really cool. The next day, Wednesday I made it so we had natural powered cars. Finally on Thursday I made it so that everyone in band played really well, which we already did. That’s stuff I wanted to happen.
But on Friday, something terrible happened. I zapped myself to the thing that gave me powers and he took them away. It was some creepy old guy.
I figured out having magical powers may not be all that good, because you could do bad stuff with them, so I don’t want magical powers anymore. It would have gone to my head anyway. Yesterday I’m sure I saw my sister’s celery disappear! Mary, I salute you.
Needless to say, this blatant display of lack of ability infuriated me. What are you doing trying to write stories, 9-year-old self? Don’t you know that that’s a big people’s craft? Bad past self, bad! And just in case you don’t believe me I’ll just do the honors of picking apart this sorry attempt at fiction and tear down any illusions of talent you may have had.
So first off, that name thing. “Some people call me Joe, and I don’t know why, maybe ’cause I tell them to.” Of course. Thank you for letting us know. That was vital to our understanding of this shitty story. If I hadn’t known why some people may or may not call you something, none of this would have made sense. And that’s sarcasm. It would have made so much sense it was coming out of your ears. Well, no, not that much, but you get the point.
And then that segue between the first and second paragraphs. You’re all, “Wait for it wait for it…” and then there’s absolutely no enthusiasm when you pay it off. “I got magical powers.” Period. Monotone. “It is your birthday.” And I know it’s not just because you were for some crazy reason against the use of exclamatory expression, or because you were very confused about what interjections were and the religious connotations in that School House Rock song, because you turn right around and exclamify as soon as you get your stupid freaking carrot cake.
On Tuesday you made it so we had world peace? That was really cool, huh? Just really cool. Very nice. And on the next day you magicked in some natural-powered cars. What are you trying to prove here, kid? Are you trying to win a Nobel prize with this crap? Are you gonna make some people and then take a day off to rest on the sabbath? I mean come on.
And then on Thursday you made it so everyone in your band could play really well, even though they already did. Nice job, Sherlock, way to waste a day on a frickin wish that had already been granted. Basically what you just did was you negated all the hard work and practice all your bandmates put into their instruments and instead stuck in your magic.
Annnd on Friday. You decided that you would zap yourself to the source of your power… and then what? Chat about magic? Ask to go to Hogwarts? And the creepy old guy who is the keeper of the magicianship just, what, took it all away? Did you, like, piss him off or something? Or is the creepy old guy just as annoyed at things you’ve written as I am?
Either way, nice job losing your power in less than a week. That’s probably some sorta record.
And finally, what are you trying to imply with that last paragraph? That your sister suddenly got magic too? But she clearly wasn’t silly enough to think that writing some stupid story about it was a good idea.
So Mary, I salute you. Good job.
That was dumb, sorry.
Filed under Miscellaneous, School | Comments (2)