Hello, what? The Dark Friggin Knight, that’s what.

Back now from seeing the new Batman movie (at a midnight screening.. w00tage), and I am still soaking in its epicity.

There were a few things that I think, in retrospect, could be changed, but, honestly, if you sit down and watch this movie (in a theatre), it is very unlikely that you’re going to notice or care about them. I didn’t until I looked back.

Anyway, I’m not gonna talk about it, ’cause I don’t want to spoil its epicness, but it was amazing.

And, if you know who you are, person I’m speaking indirectly to, I’m sorry.

Jebus, what is this, three shortish blog posts in a row? Man, I hate myself.

-Timmy

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Elantris

The people spoke (on that survey I had up awhile ago) and they told me they didn’t like these. Whatever, though, I want to spread the word of Elantris. Go check the book out. It’s awesome.

Elantris is a book (therefore, it should be underlined when the title is said. But It won’t be. I’m far too lazy to do that).

Now, I went into Elantris with high expectations. but with little knowledge as to what it was actually about. I had heard that it was fantastic–the front cover boasts a quote from Orson Scott Card (author of Ender’s Game that says it’s “the finest novel of fantasy to be written in many years.” However, when you begin reading a book. or watching a movie, or listening to a CD–an entire horde of things–while harboring large expectaions as to its quality, you almost always end up disappointed. This was not the case.

I mentioned that I knew little as to what the book was about. That’s true. When you go into a book without knowing what it’s about beforehand, you don’t always know what it’s about afterward. One very, very good example of this is Brave New World. All I knew going in was that it was a dystopian classic novel. Therefore it took me something of two weeks to read the first two pages.

However, this world that Brandon Sanderson, the author of Elantris, created was so realistic and accessable that it took no time at all to grow acclimated to it. It was incredibly easy to begin and to realize what’s going on–even if you don’t know what’s really going on.

The idea for the book–at least the idea that is in the prologue and in the back of the book–is that the city of Elantris was once the pinnacle of glory. Its inhabitants were silver-skinned gods who had magical capabilities. The Elantrians were just normal people taken by some strange, magical transformation called the Shaod. But then there was a terrible happening and the Elantrians became cursed, the Shaod turning from a blessing to a damning: the Elantrians skin obtained dark splotches and their hair fell out and any injury sustained as an Elantrian did not heal. It just continued to barrage them with pain. That was ten years ago.

Elantris starts with the prince of Arelon, Raoden, as he discovers the fact that he’s been taken by the Shaod. I liken the character of Raoden to Charles Foster Kane from Citizen Kane. I’m not even entirely sure, but he makes me think of the young, reckless Kane. It’s probably because Raoden, before becoming an Elantrian, would do things to spite the king, his father. That reminds me of the way CFK would do things to spite the bank guy…

His storyline goes along as he becomes an Elantrian, accepts that he’s become an Elantrian, and then aims to make his and the other Elantrians lives as Elantrians more worthwile.

Then there’s Hrathen, the derethi priest that has come on the orders of his king to convert Arelon to his religion, for they are a bunch of heathenish members of the rival sect (the protestants to their catholic–or the other way around). Furthermore he has naught but three months (IIRC) to make the converstion complete, or else his king’s forces will bare their burly fists down upon Arelon. The same way I liken CFK to Raoden, I liken the Operative (from Serenity) to Hrathen… except Hrathen has a little less self confidence.

His storyline follows him as he attempts to accomplish this feat all while dealing with the unintentional setbacks of his everpresent, everzealous servant, Dilaf, as well as the fully intentional setbacks made by Sarene.

Sarene. Princess of Teod. She had signed a contract to marry the Prince of Arelon, Raoden, so as to strengthen the bonds between their two countries. But then she arrives in Arelon to find that the prince, her husband, is dead (for it was kept a secret that he was cast into Elantris). However, the contract stated that the marriage was still legally binding in the case of death. I think of Sarene as a very Leia-is character. For one, they’re both princesses, and two they are both badass politicians that will certainly in an argument.

Her storyline follows her as she attempts to thwart Hrathen at his quest, for Arelon is Teod’s only other ally and Teod would most certainly fall if Arelon was converted into Derethi sympathizers.

This is a… good book. No really, it is amazing. I think the back flap puts it best, so I’ll quote it: “A welcome breath of fresh air, it is an epic fantasy that doesn’t recycle the classics and is a complete and thoroughly satisfying stoyry in a single volume.”

Very true. It is original and interesting. Also, the characters are incredibly likable. I felt hurt personally whenever Raoden suffered a blow and when he… well, I don’t want to give it away, because I want you to go out and read it yourself, but I’ll just say that I felt every up and down of the character as it went along.

Too did I like the other two main characters. You can’t help but respect and like Sarene for pretty much everything she does. While you may not like Hrathen, for he represents the antagonist, you feel good for him when he finally does what’s in his heart. When he finally accomplishes something. While I may not have liked him I certainly felt empathetic toward him.

And then everything falls apart. Everything’s at the lowest pit of despair and sadness and you are right there with them. But then, when everything seems lost, it’s resolved. You feel joy as they feel joy, you feel loss as they feel loss. You feel the resolute ending as the book ends.

There could be a sequel. It would be incredibly hardcore if there was. Hoewever, there doesn’t need to be. It’s a magnificent book, and I definitely don’t want it to be desecrated by a substandard sequel. I think Brandon Sanderson could do it though. I have faith in him. That is, if there were going to be a sequel.. if he wanted to write one.. which, as I said would be incredibly awesome…

Aaaannyway, I highly reccomend you pick this one up. It’s a very good book. I give it an outstanding 5 out of 5.

-Timmy

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Malcolm

I, hereinafter referred to as Timmy, hereby vow to accomplish the following listed tasks without any backtracking and/or regrets for vowing to accomplish them. Furthermore, I vow to attempt to my fullest ability to accomplish the listed tasks sometime during the up and coming summer, while others are off enjoying their time in other ways.

1. Make The Original Stiff a real reality. I’m serious. I’m finally in a freaking band, and I am not going to let that explode like it normally does. Honestly, and I mean no offense at all to my dear sadist, even if Moses doesn’t want to do it, I’ll get others. I swear, the Original Stiff is going to be awesome and magnificent and is, in fact, going to happen.
2. Speaking of Moses, I vow to get him the present I need to get him for his birthday. Srsly.
3. The prize. Starts with an ‘l’ and ends in a ’5.’ I was gonna say the entire acronym, but if you Google it, it’s actually the very first result. Heh. Anyway, Sticky and I will do this. I’m serious.
4. Meanwhile, we’re gonna start filming on POTOR, whether you like it or not.
5. I’m going to remain thoroughly and completely feeling bad for crushing Chris’ dreams of creating one of the greatest films ever, The Puppet Demention. Everything exploded at once. It sucked… sorry, Chris.
6. I’m going to finish up The Legend of the Purple kNights as well as the revision of Jamez Blak and the Monks of Tunisia (*cough* on the linkage).
7. I’m also gonna finish up the typing and completing of the first Brotherhood book and then work on getting it published. Yeah, that’s right, I said published. I’m getting tired of, when people suggest I get it published just saying, “heh, yeah,” like I’ve never considered it. Of course I’ve considered it. I’ve written almost five-hundred pages when it comes to the Brotherhood (if I’m doing my math right). It’s not just going to sit there and wait for an archaeologist. Even if I have to publish it myself through, like, LuLu or something, it’s getting published.
8. I’m gonna get over the whole Keira thing. I’m a failure. I get it. I have to move on, self, seriously. You suck.
9. Finish my post-apocalyptic script. That thing, while being sorta cliche in parts, would make an amazing film, I have to admit.
10. I will have a life. No really, I will.
11. I will, while maintaining said life, update this blog regularly and update you, fair reader(s) of my daily goings ons. Or, y’know, weekly. Or, y’know, no goings ons at all. I may just do reviews and Words & Phrases. My intention is to make this site a rather enjoyable place to be. I may add a forum. I may not, though. That might be too presumptuous (in thinking people’d join, that is).
12. I’m gonna shoot several things on the HVX, even before we do POTOR (or l—-5).
13. Read some good books.

Although that is all that Timmy can think of at the moment, he hereinafter vows to accomplish all further tasks he sets for himself to accomplish in the coming future.

I’m serious.

-Timmy

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Summary, Responses, and Review…. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Is it sad that one of my favorite parts of going and seeing a film is finally being able to read the HTR spoilers on TF.n? Yes. You don’t have to answer that, because I know that it is. I know that it very is. Like, very, very, muchly so. Like, lame, slightly depressing, life-lacking–all of it. That’s what it is. It’s sad. I just have to deal with it, I guess, because it’s true. I now get to read the spoilers and that makes me mighty.

Not only that, but I am now able to post spoilers. That too makes me mighty, for I can now ruin the entire movie for you. Yay!

That’s my absurd, convoluted way of saying, “Hey, man, I just got back from Indy 4. Don’t continue reading this if you haven’t seen it yet, for this contains possibly massive spoilers that may or may not ruin the entire film… So, how ’bout this weather? Well, yeah, I suppose it is sorta dark and nighttime-y, but that doesn’t mean there’s no weather. Oh, yeah, I guess it does make sense that you just can’t see it, but are you sure you can’t hear it? Yes? Well then it’s not hailing, so we now know one aspect of the weather, now don’t we?”

That’s my absurd, convoluted way of saying, “The following contains spoilers. Ye be warned.” This is my response to my predictions for this film, by the way, and so anytime you see the word “ding” in parentheses, it means one of my predictions was correct.

So we begin with a group of hoodlum socs who decide to race a government vehicle. But then, oh snap! That’s not our government! Those are commies! (Ding, Timmy got one right). They open the trunk and reveal Indy and some other guy, Ray Winstone. Soon Indy’s finding a case in Area 51 and later, but still soon, he’s found it using some sorta odd magnetic properties. Then Indy’s got a gun and is holding it on the antagonist, Petrov Ilanovic (made-up name), but then in yet another Oh Snap! moment, Ray Winstone is holding a gun on Indy.

Oh yeah, and Indy likes Ike.

Eventually Indy is being chased throughout the warehouse by the damn commies, and then Indy is in a car, and he smashes open the crate with the lost ark of the covenant in it (that was amazing, by the way. I mean, completely predictable–not necessarily it being smashed open, but just the reference–but amazing all the same). Nothing significant with the Ark happens. It’s just a reference. If you want something significant to happen with the Ark, go watch Raiders. Otherwise, deal with it.

So then Indy’s fighting one on one with some communist, and then they escape on a rocket sled, and then he somehow got to some rocky outcropping, and then he’s in a town, and then it’s a nuclear testing site, and then Indy is in a lead-coated refrigerator (Indiana Jones and the Poisoning of the Lead), and then he is bounced inside of the refrigerator a few miles, and then he gets out and looks out at one of the best CGI nuclear explosions ever (Indiana Jones and the Poisoning of the Radiation)

But then Indy gets fired and decides to leave Yaletown. Who’s this, though? Oh, just the person who is a greaser and who isn’t Indy’s son, Mutt. Mutt explains that his stepfather, or some such professor guy, has gone missing due to the Crystal Skull. Indy sets out with him to find it (sorta an obvious ding, I guess).

Eventually they’re captured by the soviets and are presented with–Marion Ravenwood, the lady from Raiders of the Lost Ark. It also happens to be Mutt’s mother, and Mutt ends up being Indy’s son (ding! shazzam (what was that word, Davis, from that one trailer? Shadooks?).).

Then some stuff happens and they manage to survive going over three, that’s right, not just one, not just two, but freaking three, humongous, waterfalls. Finally they get to the temple of the crystal skull (it’s not really a kingdom, honestly), and they find this pinnacle of archaeological treasures, and then they awaken these weird alien things from another dimension and the thing caves in and they get married (all of them).

Yay

And now for the review. It was okay, just not the greatest bit of film in the history of… film. I liked it, but it’s not my favorite movie ever. I’m gonna bump my prediction review score to 3.5 out of 5.

Edit: Some things have been brought to my attention (from Geekza etc.) that I fully agree with. For one, a big problem has to do with the waterfall deal: Indy doesn’t go over waterfalls and live. Indy’s enemies go over the waterfall and die and Indy figures out a way to ingeniously not go over the waterfall.

There was more. I might do another edit here when I get home. I’m at school right now.

…Harrison Ford’s old.

It was an epic viewing, though. I went with Ducky, Seth, and Davis. We sat near the look-straight-up seats, but far enough back that it wasn’t entirely uncomfortable. I read the credits. I got lost on my way out while there was this creepy, echo-y laughing coming from an above floor.

It was scary… but amazing.

Next up on my reviews is gonna be the new Batman movie, so look out for that.

-Timmy

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Predictions and Review… Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

First of all, what sort of a release date is May 22nd? Seriously, that’s a Thursday. What sort of movie is released on a Thursday? That is, like, the most stupid, effed up day for a film release date EVER. Who releases a movie–an Indiana Jones sequel, no less–on a flippin’ Thursday?! That doesn’t make any sense at all! I mean, I get Fridays. Fridays are an amazing day to release a film, ’cause you get the crazies who watch it right away, and then you have that whole weekend rush thing to look forward to. Those are the days that count for the box office results.

But Thursday?! WTF, mate? I dunno. It just seems dumb… Anyhoo..

I’m not sure how it’s going to open. Most surely a reference to the other films–you know, the type of reference that is just cheap in the first sequel but is definitely acceptable in the last one. Like how every reference in Dead Man’s Chest just seemed like the writers were capitalizing upon the funnies in the first one, but in the third one–that shot where Jack is on the mast of the Pearl and it’s the exact same as the introduction of the character in the first movie, that’s just amazing. Same film, another example of the same deal: any parley joke in DMC was lame, but in AWE it was absolutely fantastic.

That sort of thing is acceptable after however many years it’s been since they made The Last Crusade.

You know, actually, I think it’s probably gonna open up with Mutt, who I honestly thought was Indy’s son until I read “and his new sidekick, Mutt” on a cereal box… and then I was like, “Huh, well, his new sidekick could also happen to be his son, so I better check Wikipedia.” I was, to put it shortly, wrong.

Anyway, Mutt is a little, greaser, punk kid played by Shia LaBeef, who happens to smoke. I mean, the actor smokes, not the character, although it wouldn’t be particularly surprising if the character smoked as well. I mean, he is a greaser. But, seriously, Shia LaBeouf smokes. Smoking now seems cool. I think I may try it. He was in Transformers, y’know. Also, Michael Bay directed Transformers and Optimus Prime had five trillion individually, hand-animated parts, so Bay can be flippin’ arrogant if he wants to, thank you very much.

I don’t like Michael Bay.

Anyway, Mutt is going to be in Indy’s class. I mean, the class Indy teaches, not the class Indy is in. What does Indy teach anyway? I mean, he’s a professor and an adventurous archaeologist, but what is the actual subject he teaches? Archeology? I guess that is. Anyway, Mutt is going to be bored, learning all about the wonders of archeology.

Indiana (Jones) is then seen for the very first time in full, ’cause it always takes a few minutes before you actually see his face. Some stuff’s gonna happen and then he’s gonna be heading off to find the crystal skull. Some more stuff ends up happening and Mutt ends up coming with him. Crazy.

They meet up with–oh snap! Commies!

This is an opportunity for one of those reference opportunities, to reference that famous scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark where the guy flails his sword around and then Indy just pulls out his gun and shoots the sword-flailing guy. See, in this case, for some reason or another, Indy will have a sword, and he will flail it around, and then those damn commies pull out their guns.

The other possible reference to that scene would be that Indy would pull out his gun and fire at a new sword-flailing guy and… miss. But then, the scene’s been reference enough, hasn’t it?

Anyway, some stuff’s gonna happen, they save the crystal skull, create a kingdom, meet up with Marion, reveal that Mutt is really Marion and Indy’s son and Ben was right about that all along, and then stuff will happen, everything will be great. Yay! Fantstic! Amazing.

Eh, this movie could go either way. It’s like, after George Lucas screwed up the prequels so bad, I’m sure he’s learned his lesson and would not mess with Indiana Jones, but then, who knows. George Lucas is… well…

I’d give it a four out of five for amazing saga continuation and a massive effort.

-Timmy

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