Meaningless Pretentious Thoughts on Storytelling

I’ve been thinking a lot about storytelling lately. Probably in my frantic rush to complete scripts for about fifty different videos recently, a little circuit was closed in my brain that told me to start thinking about what I was doing.

As you know if you read this blog, I happen to have a full website dedicated to storytelling. It’s called Inside The Monster’s Dollhouse: The Depravity of Innocence and I post little bits, things I write, every once in awhile. None of it is really particularly exciting. Everything short and ends before it seems to even start, which is what she said. But it’s not about that, really, honestly. It’s about a human need to tell stories. I think we all have it and just express it in different ways.

I write narratives that have allegories and subtexts that no one picks up on, and I try to force-feed them to people. Other people write things and hide them away, never wanting the world to see what they have created. Some people gossip at every turn, whenever they have a chance. Some people write poetry about how they’re feeling. Some people have their bodies tattooed to the point where you can’t tell what fleshtone they’d naturally have.

Everything we do is a form of storytelling. We sing, we dance, we sit motionless at the bottom of a pool. We tell stories. We listen to stories.

What makes a good story?

Well, the truth of the matter, just like the question “what is love” and “where do babies come from”, can never be explained. Because it changes from person to person. And that is what makes stories, and love, and fertilization so amazing. They are constants that are variable.

A story can be fantastic to me but shitty to you, etc. Love can mean one thing to somebody but another to somebody else. Babies can come from any variety of containers and substances put together in mad scientist ways and implanted in any avian found on the beach (dead or alive! although, dead’s more likely anymore considering the gulf coast disaster).

I never really payed attention in health class.

Who knows the point I’m trying to make…

Storytelling is humans trying to share something that they can see in their mind with somebody who can’t, but hopefully will. If it’s a good story.

Stories are the most important thing in the world, and we will never stop telling them. Humans or me.

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Confessions of a Teenage Grown-up

Note from Ben: Welcome the latest contributor to St. Timmy Pro, Edward “Sora” Ortega. Is he the most talented of us all? Only time will tell. (But I think the answer’s probably yes.)

Screw permits.

Seriously.

They make those stupid tests to give you a god damn aneurysm. Its like you’re at the computer and its all “blah blah blah” and you’re like “oh, A” and it’s all “WRONG INCORRECT YOU’RE STUPID GTFO MY DMV” and you cant help but cry as you fail the test slowly yet surely. The damn test is designed specifically for the person. See, me, I get more nervous as I get things wrong. And the test was all like “WHATS THIS SIGN MEAN” and I’m like “YIELD” and it’s all “NOPE WRONG NOW YOU’RE GETTING SCARED HUH? HOW ABOUT THIS! IF YOU’RE ON A FOUR WAY INTERSECTION AND THERE’S ONE PERSON IN EACH LEFT HAND LANE AND SUPERMAN IS FLYING OVER THE CITY FIGHTING A METEOR, WHO HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY!!?!?!” AND I’M ALL “OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD”

Superman, of course.

BUT NOPE ITS THAT BLIND GUY THAT THEY DON’T EVEN TELL YOU ABOUT WHO RETRACTS HIS GOD DAMN CANE AND YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT MEAN “OH I’M STUPID AND WANTED YOU TO THINK I’M CROSSING ITS OK THOUGH GO” AND YOU’RE ALL *WAITING FOR HIM TO CROSS* LIKE A JACKASS AND THE TEST IS ALL “HAHA YOU’RE STUPID NOW I’M GONNA BUST OUT SOME CALCULUS ON YOUR WHITE ASS.

I hate permit tests.

Did I mention I got my permit?

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On Black

I do not make racist comments people! I swear! “Spread the ashes of the colors” is quite clearly an Arcade Fire lyric from their song about neighborhoods and snow. You probably know the band The Arcade Fire from their hit song about narcolepsy called “The Where the Wild Things Are Trailer Song”. Or something.

Wake Up – Arcade Fire

Anyway, awhile ago I was uploading some pictuahs (as Alfred Hitchcock would say it) to my flickr, and I was like, “Dang, these would look so much better on a black background”.

And I knew I had seen a service that had done something like that, where you just connect it with your flickr account, it does some magic, and your pictures show up on a black background, giving you a pretty link to pass around.

So I packed my things — all the essentials –  and went on an expedition about the world wide web to attempt to find this service. I found one, but it refused to connect to my flickr account because my username is different than my flickr.com/skjf name (because I was an idiot awhile ago, long story). So that was out. I found another that seemed promising, but it wouldn’t load the second page.

I think I only found two things, and by this point the food I had packed before I set out was beginning to seem a rather small amount. I’d either have to begin hunting and gathering, or I’d need to begin the journey back home.

I did one last search around the area for any other options, but there were none to be found and I went on my way.

When I returned to the haven of my home, I decided hey, how hard could it be to make something like this. It’s just an image over a black background… but I didn’t to handcode a new page each time I wanted my majesties to be beheld, for the same reason I use twitpic and images hack us sometimes rather than use my gazillions of gigabytes of storage here on St. Timmy Pro: because I was lazy.

So, of course, to satisfy my laziness, I set about writing a HIGHLY COMPLEX SCRIPT to do shizz for me.

Viola. The string instrument:

ON BLACK.

You’re welcome, internet.

(oh and, here’s, some, examples of it in action.)

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Keyboards

Dear Universe,

Keyboards are awesome. Keyboards are really freaking awesome.

Have you ever used a computer keyboard before? Because if you haven’t then you really, really should. Because no matter how much you use a keyboard, all it does is get more awesome. The keyboard market operates the same way as the housing market, in that the longer you have a keyboard, the more it’s worth. Yeah, that’s right, keyboards actually appreciate in value. Crazy, huh? I bet you had no idea.

It’s also like the housing market in that people buy them, modify them to be better and then sell them for a profit. It’s called flipping. The thing is, when the housing keyboard market became a catastrophe, everyone stopped buying them, causing the people trying to flip said keyboard to suffer a devastating loss.

There’s a keyboard next door that these people have been trying nonstop for the last, like, three years to sell. They keep coming back again and again and adding to the keyboard, so there’s been, like, nonstop construction. It’s kind of annoying, really. Constant… stuff… and noise, etc etc.

I think now they’re renting it out… one of our neighbors said they were renting it in parts… so the current inhabitants get the bottom half numpad or something, and they’re trying to lease off the rest.

ANYWAY. The point I’m trying to make is that computer keyboards are awesome, and don’t even get me started on music keyboards… because they’re rad too. Or something.

I don’t even know, you guys. I think I’ve gone crazy.

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BSP! – blah blah, april fools

blah blah blah

4/1/10: I am proud to announce our latest redesign of the site and our latest refocusing effort! It’s been months in the making and finally it’s here!

Due to a sharp decrease in viewers on sttimmypro.com of late, the three of us here who run the site had several meetings to discuss the future of STP. Several ideas were proposed and we considered them all. In the end, we have decided to change our focus from whatever the hell we were doing before to something more crowd-pleasing and marketable.

And as such I present to you the new site: we have merged the brilliance of St. Timmy Pro with our combined interest in the Twilight Saga.

At the start it was simply a redesign and rebranding of the site, but we realized that if we really wanted to rake in the viewers, we should let this new standing permeate our filmography.

And so our future projects will all be Twilight fan films. Our past, already completed projects will be converted into a Twilight format. Hairy Potty is now a werewolf (‘CAUSE HE’S HAIRY), etc etc.

Welcome to STP v3! Yaayyyyy!

“State your name for the record.”

“Anton Lane, and you just smell so gooodd.”

-Ben

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