Keyboards

Dear Universe,

Keyboards are awesome. Keyboards are really freaking awesome.

Have you ever used a computer keyboard before? Because if you haven’t then you really, really should. Because no matter how much you use a keyboard, all it does is get more awesome. The keyboard market operates the same way as the housing market, in that the longer you have a keyboard, the more it’s worth. Yeah, that’s right, keyboards actually appreciate in value. Crazy, huh? I bet you had no idea.

It’s also like the housing market in that people buy them, modify them to be better and then sell them for a profit. It’s called flipping. The thing is, when the housing keyboard market became a catastrophe, everyone stopped buying them, causing the people trying to flip said keyboard to suffer a devastating loss.

There’s a keyboard next door that these people have been trying nonstop for the last, like, three years to sell. They keep coming back again and again and adding to the keyboard, so there’s been, like, nonstop construction. It’s kind of annoying, really. Constant… stuff… and noise, etc etc.

I think now they’re renting it out… one of our neighbors said they were renting it in parts… so the current inhabitants get the bottom half numpad or something, and they’re trying to lease off the rest.

ANYWAY. The point I’m trying to make is that computer keyboards are awesome, and don’t even get me started on music keyboards… because they’re rad too. Or something.

I don’t even know, you guys. I think I’ve gone crazy.

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BSP! – blah blah, april fools

blah blah blah

4/1/10: I am proud to announce our latest redesign of the site and our latest refocusing effort! It’s been months in the making and finally it’s here!

Due to a sharp decrease in viewers on sttimmypro.com of late, the three of us here who run the site had several meetings to discuss the future of STP. Several ideas were proposed and we considered them all. In the end, we have decided to change our focus from whatever the hell we were doing before to something more crowd-pleasing and marketable.

And as such I present to you the new site: we have merged the brilliance of St. Timmy Pro with our combined interest in the Twilight Saga.

At the start it was simply a redesign and rebranding of the site, but we realized that if we really wanted to rake in the viewers, we should let this new standing permeate our filmography.

And so our future projects will all be Twilight fan films. Our past, already completed projects will be converted into a Twilight format. Hairy Potty is now a werewolf (‘CAUSE HE’S HAIRY), etc etc.

Welcome to STP v3! Yaayyyyy!

“State your name for the record.”

“Anton Lane, and you just smell so gooodd.”

-Ben

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Inside the Monster’s Dollhouse (The Depravity of Innocence)

So sometimes I write some things. Inside the Monster’s Dollhouse is a place  where you can go and read some of these things.

Go check it out! Original music by Sir Quinn Jarvis Holland and Sir Madame Jordyn Reeser that is awesome and hardcore and that I’m thinking I should turn autoplay off on because that pisses some people off and makes it take forever to load on my computer.

But regardless.

Go check it out! It is unequivocally hardcore!

-Benjamin

BY THE WAY, STP V3! COMING INCREDIBLY SOON!

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8-bit Therapy

So I was on the internet, because I do that sorta thing sometimes, and I stumbled upon this VST plugin thing that lets you master audio using words and shizznit. That is a terrible way of putting it, but basically you put in words, it does some crazy math, and it makes your music sound weird.

I decided to test it out.

To start I made this simple track using an 8-bit synthesizer emulator shizznugget:

And then I stuck in my words:

(click)

and I got this

Which pretty much captures the way I feel at the moment.

You’re welcome for sharing.

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2009 in Ben’s Limited Scope of Listening

Here’s my top 5 albums of 2009. All in my very humble opinion, of course.

Honorable Mention:  Cosmic Egg – Wolfmother

Honestly, I thought this album was boring. I tend to listen to the first half and then turn it off because it’s just not very gripping. It even extends into the technical side. The drums aren’t mixed right, or loud enough or something, and his vocals aren’t as powerful as they were in the band’s debut.

Basically, it seems kind of like a Black Sabbath wannabe album, borne from the departure of two of the original three of the Wolfmother line-up. It’s very heavy metal and… well, like I said, boring. New Moon Rising is probably the best track.

I only mention it honorably because it’s Wolfmother, and I still count them as one of my favorite bands.

Honorable Mention: Raditude – Weezer

Okay, so I only just got around to listening to this, somehow, even though it came out last month and even though I love Weezer. I don’t know what I was thinking.

And, um, well, it’s okay, you know.

It’s definitely not their best though, but hey, it’s Weezer. Weezer will always be pretty great.

Am I the only one who got a very self-destructive vibe from this? Like Rivers is just needing some help or something before he destroys himself. I dunno, maybe I was just in a bad mood when I listened to it.

5. Baby Darling Doll Face Honey – Band of Skulls

True story: when I first heard the song “I Know What I Am” on the radio in the car, coming home from the library, I turned to my sister and said, “Hey, this is the Dead Weather!” (number 4 on this list.)

And then, of course, I realized that it wasn’t. When I got home, the first thing I did was look to see who it was, and, apparently, it was Band of Skulls.

This album is very good.

4. Horehound – The Dead Weather

Jack White from everything and the White Stripes and Alison Mosshart from the Kills (and Dean Fertita from Queens of the Stone Age and Jack Lawrence from The Raconteurs) in a supergroup of epicity. And it’s interesting, because you can totally tell when Jack White’s on the drums. It just has this bluesy swing to it that fits his style so well.

3. Them Crooked Vultures

What happens when you put Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters), John Paul Jones (Led Zeppelin), and Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age) all in a band together? No, don’t answer that was hypothetical. And you already know the answer. Stupid.

Them Crooked Vultures is like a combination of Led Zeppelin and Franz Ferdinand that ends up sounding a bit like The Raconteurs. Needless to say, it’s pretty great.

2. Shaka Rock – JET

Shaka Rock is pretty dang good, all classic JET, Beatles-y, great music. I don’t have a lot to say other than, yeah, really good.

1. Humbug – Arctic Monkeys

This is a fantastic album by a fantastic band. The Arctic Monkeys are Midas when it comes to music. I’m pretty sure they’re incapable of producing anything that sounds like crap. They could have an entire track of fart sounds and nails on a chalk board (so a Jonas Brothers cover) and it would come out being better than anything else on the radio.

Humbug is the Arctic Monkeys’ Doors album. The influence is pretty obvious. I mean, first off, all the tracks are about six times slower than average Arctic Monkeys tunes, and very psychidelic sounding. And Alex Turner’s voice takes a turn for the Jim Morrisonish.

Humbug is the Arctic Monkeys’ In Utero.

And that’s all there really is to say on the matter.

–

I was going to include Cage the Elephant, but apparently their album came out last year, so whatever.

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